Tinder. It’s been around for years now. I’ve installed it and deleted it so many times I couldn’t tell you. Previously I’ve just swiped through the many, many guys who were statistically not for me. But hey I’ve been told it’s a numbers game. If I rarely find anyone I like in the real world I might as well up my chances and join the virtual one. However I have never before been able to get to the point of the actual date. Usually I see a message from a guy and cower away knowing that I was never intending on meeting anyone. It was more of a means of ego boost when you get a match. Yeah I know guys play the numbers game too, but it still gives me a shot of endorphins so I’ll take what I can get. This time is different. I downloaded tinder with the full intention of actually meeting someone.
Even in real life I’m not one for dating. I’m more of a serial unrequited love kind of gal. Pining for the unavailable worked for me. It was impossible for me to actually put myself in a position where I or anyone else would get hurt. Apologies for the attempt of self psychological analysis. Recently I felt I had got over this. I was attracted to an available guy and I had decided to go for it even though there were many reasons I could think of against it (he’s a mate and I haven’t had the best experiences of dating friends in the past). I crashed through my self inflicted barriers. Yay go me I’m actually going to go for it.
Yeah, you’ve probably guessed. It didn’t go well. I found out, pretty much on the day of deciding this that he dated one of my friends last year. Curse university for making you feel loyal to someone you’ve known for like a month. So yeah, the girl code stopped that one before it even started. At least it saved me from the possible rejection/bad break up and loss of a friend. But that was it. I was finished with the fear of dating someone in case it changed things. I needed to meet people who I didn’t already know. Where there was no pressure, no chance of losing friends and a great way to face my fear of rejection.
This isn’t all talk. I actually have a date planned! The best part is that I don’t actually care how it goes as I have no invested feelings whatsoever. It’s just nice to meet new people and not have any pressure on whether it leads to anything further.
So wish me luck, or don’t I really don’t care.
Lots of Love