Why they’re just not that into you?

This is an important post for me.  I have lost friendships over guys not understanding why I don’t want to be with them.  Constantly asking me what is it that wasn’t working?  What don’t you like about me?  I even had one guy have the audacity to come to the conclusion that if I couldn’t verbalise the reason why, it was obviously because I was scared of my feelings and where things were going.

Sometimes people don’t click.  It’s not because you’re not an amazing person.  If someone has spent time with you the chances are is because they enjoyed that time.  The problem is we can’t help how we feel.  Feelings do change, it’s human nature not to have one continuous emotion.  As human beings we are allowed to change our minds.  About our careers, about where we live, what we’re going to have for dinner, and yes the person we are dating/in a relationship with.

I know, brutal.  You’ve spent so much of your time with this other person, now you think that’s time wasted.  But that’s not the best way to look at things.  If you’re allowed to change your mind they’re allowed to change theirs.  When someone in a relationship realises that it’s not right that’s only a good thing.  What’s the point dating someone, or staying in a relationship that you don’t love to be in.  Although yes you’re allowed to feel hurt, don’t try to find justifications or ways to improve yourself for the next person as everyone is different.  You weren’t right for them, it doesn’t mean you’re not right for someone else.

Just please, don’t push for someones reasoning.  Emotions are not reasoned, it’s really confusing science that often makes no sense to the person experiencing them so don’t expect them to verbalise the reasons why.  Yes, I understand it’s annoying hearing someone say “I just wasn’t feeling it anymore”.  But it happens.  One day you can be completely wrapped up in someone, and the next, nothing.  It’s like a switch that just turns off, but no one has any control over it.  It might not be desirable, but that’s just human nature.

As Emma Stone’s character in Friends With Benefits puts it best:

“it’s not you, it’s me who doesn’t like you any more.”

Lots of Love

Lo

 

Featured photo: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mistergc/26967855826

 

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